Where the F**K is the Maternity Section

One of the joys of pregnancy is that you get to buy all new clothes! Honestly, who doesn't love a free pass at new clothes? Also, Nathan can't say, did you really need another pair of shoes? Wait, he can still say that because my feet are still the same size, and that's why that new shoe purchase was hard to justify...

Let's try this again: Also, Nathan can't say, did you really need any more tank tops because if he did one I would I give him the death stare and two I would respond, "Yes because I'm getting fat." END OF DISCUSSION.
Nathan is smart enough to not say anything about my recent clothing purchases, since he knows they are all baby related....well, with the exception of new shoes.

The thing that pregnancy books don't tell you about clothes shopping while you are pregnant is that, it is probably the most frustrating thing out there. It is frustrating for a plethora of reasons but let's just focus on the major few.
(Now, if you are one of those pregnant women who got to keep wearing your same clothes throughout your whole pregnancy well congratulations! Congratulations, because most pregnant women don't like you, and nor do they want to hear about how you 'never grew bigger than a size 6.' Also, this blog entry will not apply to you and if you don't like then write your own damn blog.)

Getting off my soapbox, pregnancy clothes shopping sounds like fun until you actually get around to it. Another suggestion, don't go alone like I did. You will even get more depressed, and feel like the marshmallow man from ghost busters.

What I thought I looked like in the mirror of the Kohl's  dressing room at the time.

When I walked into Kohl's I was absolutely determined not to shop in the 'dreaded' maternity section. I was not even going to go there, no way, no freaking how. I then began picking stuff off the racks that were about two sizes bigger than my normal size 6. I picked up some 8's and 10's and walked off to the dressing room to try them all on. Well guess what my friends, the size 8's would not even zip and the 10's fit but they were way, way, way too big in the butt and legs. I then began my internal dialogue that normally occurs when I'm hit with crises.  "Ok Julia, no big you will just have to find dresses!"

I then left the dressing room and began the hunt for dresses. I did the same thing, picked up some 8's and 10's tried them on and realized that they fit!! At this same moment I think that Jesus himself sent down a chorus of angels, but it was cut short by the realization that my belly caused the dresses to rise up in the front, so the hem line is not even all the way around them. Then I went to the 'oh crap' place in my internal dialogue: Crap, I need to go to the maternity section and buy those stupid shorts, that have that stupid nylon thing, that goes over my belly. DANG IT!!

One of the cute outfits I got.
Note: I realize that I have a sunglasses tan, its from all the coaching I do.

I then began to realize that I would have to buy elastic waist band shorts.....and yes I did buy two pairs of elastic shorts because when I put them on they fit like a glove!! These things were made for women who just carry weight in their stomachs and they are completely awesome! Now, don't get me wrong if I could be pregnant and maintain my size 6 figure that I had before, I would give up my own blood and possibly give away my soul, but alas I can't. So, I bucked up and bought elastic waist band shorts.

Yes folks, the navy blue you see is the whole elastic shorts.
It's like a mullet, business in the front and party in the back but instead its:
jeans on the bottom, elastic on the top.

Shopping for maternity clothes can be fun but please don't go by yourself. Being in denial like I was will not only waste an hour of your life, but you will avoid feeling like you are about to be sucked into a proton pack by Bill Murray too.