This week had been an uneventful week until yesterday when Nate and I were picking up the car from the shop. After I had dropped Nate off and was sitting at a stop light, I felt the baby move for the first time.
I was so excited that I immediately called Nathan and said, "I swear I just felt the baby move."
He then was so excited for us and he asked if I was sure. I replied, "Well, unless I have a very large tapeworm then it has to be the baby."
I can now feel the baby all the time and its amazing, but a bit scary at the same time. I think that a lot of women don't really talk about how scary having the first baby can be, and just pretend like its all the 'amazing cycle of life.' Its really taboo to say, "Yes I'm elated, but also deathly afraid." There is a lot of societal pressure to be all gushy, gushy pregnancy all the time even if it does not fit your personality. (Ahem..not mine at all).
The fact is I'm scared and I think its okay to be scared! Its okay to admit that damn this thing has to come out a hole that is totally not 10 centimeters big. I'm afraid how much its going to hurt and honestly birth looks completely nasty. I guess I still have 4.5 months to figure it out...ugh.
For now though, I will focus on the fact that I can feel our baby and that gives Nathan and I so much joy.
Julia
It is scarey but wonderful too. Enjoy that little flutter in your tummy and feel it getting stronger every day. It is awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteOn the 10 cm thing, I though of it this way: God allowed pain killers to be developed, therefore we should use them. Honestly, having an epidural was the best decision I made during labor because I was not all consumed by pain and I was actually able to "enjoy" the experience. Take the drugs!!! ;)
So excited you felt Hans move. It just kind of sneaks up on you. Yes, it hurts and yes, take drugs. And, you really do forget how painful it was.
ReplyDelete